T-Time
Weekly News Update for the Week of September 4th-8th 2008

Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.

The MTV Generation:

The MTV VMAs aired Sunday night, and they were blah, blah, and more blah. It was the 25th annual show so the producers tried to infuse some old school faves but with modern touches...i.e. Katy Perry singing 30 seconds of Madonna's Like a Virgin, Miley Cyrus playing Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer on Guitar Hero, and even Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz mocking the infamously creepy Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley moment. Host Russell Brand, a British comedian only really known to the American public for his role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, was a big fat dud. He made several politically charged comments, and then continued to rail on the poor Jonas Brothers for wearing promise rings (promising to stay virgins till marriage). The big star of the night was Ms. Britney Spears. I'll start with the positive...she looked phenomenal, she did a kind of cute skit with Superbad star Jonah Hill in the beginning, finally won her first (3 in all) VMA Moonmen, and had 2 outfit changes like a true pop diva. But the girl was obviously ridiculously nervous and possibly sedated (with each win she basically repeated herself verbatim). Hey...at least she had the guts to show up after last year's disaster! Katy Perry showed up to the award ceremony with tween sensation Miley Cyrus to disprove all the rumors that they hate each other. I give Miley 6 more months before she's full-blown celeb trouble! Christina Aguilera showed up to promote her greatest hits c.d. She's going for a new look, sexy goth (the only way I can explain it), which isn't really going for her, especially considering her ethereal perfume commercial played on loop throughout the show. X-Tina performed as well...and she LIP-SYNCHED! She's one of the few truly talented performers...why would she ever lip-sync? And lip-sync poorly at that? I don't get it. The rest of the performances were so-so. The standouts for me were Lil Wayne ft. Leona Lewis and T-Pain. He may be scary looking, but he sure puts on a high-energy show! And Kanye West's closing performance was really strong!

You know the world is back in order when Britney is all over the headlines! Brit's mom's book about parenting, a must read for anyone who wants to screw up their children, is being released soon and excerpts have leaked online. Mrs. Spears admits that Brit Brit lost her virginity at the young age of 14. I can't believe she lied about being virgin all that time! Lynne Spears also reveals that Britney did drugs and drank at an early age, and she blames Britney's managers for pushing her as a sex symbol and ruining her adolescence. Poor Brit...who new her childhood was so messed up?!? Well she grew up, had a crazy spell, and is now seemingly back to normal. She proved to the MTV community that she's back!

The Oprah Winfrey Show returned for its new season and premiered with the US Olympic athletes. One guest who won't be on with the Big O for a while? GOP VP pick Sarah Palin. Although Oprah is publically endorsing a candidate, Senator Barack Obama, for the first time in her career, she does not want to use her show as a platform for the presidential campaign. But Oprah's dealing with her own dramz. Her momma, Vernita Lee, is being sued by a high-end clothing store for owing over $155,000. I wonder if Momma O has any family to turn to for help?!?

Blistex came out with the list of the best celeb pouts. I know what you're thinking...Angelina's #1. Well you're wrong! Keira Knightly took the top spot. Keira's lips look like they haven't seen food in months...those Blistex folks are crazy! Surprisingly enough the New Kids On The Block comeback is doing fairly well. And if the 90s are too recent, then maybe a little 80s flashback will make you smile. There may be a new Ghostbusters movie coming soon! Stephen Colbert will have his DNA sent to space as part of the "Immortality Drive". And I'm only writing this because it's so bizarre, and I refuse to believe it, but Michael Jackson and Pam Anderson have reportedly been seen hanging out together. I'm chalking this one up to ridiculously, impossible. Madonna continues to do what she does best...be controversial. While performing on tour in Rome, she dedicated her hit Like a Virgin to the Pope. So naughty! And Tommy Lee Jones is suing Paramount Pictures for $10M claiming he missed out on the profits from his hit movie No Country for Old Men.

57 Days and Counting:

Now that the Republican National Convention is over, the political craziness has quieted down a smidge. Senator John McCain's VP pick, Sarah Palin, has become the rockstar for good and bad reasons of these elections. Her speech at the RNC brought in over 37.2M viewers (McCain brought in 39M viewers, just edging out Senator Barack Obama who brought in 38.4M). Palin's even helping raise money for Obama's campaign...his campaign raised almost $10M after her speech. Despite not making it onto Oprah's show, Palin has finally agreed to do a sit-down interview with ABC News later this week. The magazine US Weekly, T-Time's Bible, was called out for its bias political coverage for favoring the Dems over the GOPers. No big deal, right? Wrong...they've apparently lost thousands of subscriptions!

What you didn't register/re-register to vote yet? Must have slipped your mind…I'm sure. T-Time did it and so should you!

Wanna See My Muscle?:

Despite the Olympics being over, it was another big week in sports. Disgraced Olympic athlete, Marion Jones, was released from prison after serving time for lying to Feds about about her steroid use. Human dolphin Michael Phelps has been doing his celeb rounds by presenting at the VMAs and will continue by hosting SNL this coming Saturday, Sept. 13th. And what is a T-Time without a little OJ Simpson back in court news? That man must be so comfortable at this point...he probably spends 1/3 of the year either in court or a jail cell. This time he's back in front of a judge and jury to decide his fate after that Vegas robbery incident where he claims he was just trying to get back items that were rightfully his. The Tennis U.S. Open came to an end. Serena Williams beat out Jelena Jankovic for the women's U.S. Open title (her 3rd overall), and Roger Federer beat out Andy Murray for his 5th consecutive U.S. Open title and 13th Grand Slam title. Even the White House got into the sports action by hosting the final t-ball match on South Lawn. And sadly, Patriots QB, resident hottie, and Gisele's bf Tom Brady injured his knee during a game and will be out all season. I wonder if he'll need caretaking while Gisele is out stomping on runways?!?

News Potpourri:

I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! NY has been keeping busy. The Tennis U.S. Open finished its run in Flushing, NY, and now all the fashionistas are in town for NYC Fashion Week. You can check out some of the hottest runway shows here. Oddly enough elephants have been ruling the headlines lately. MTV used an elephant in their Russell Brand/Britney Spears VMA promo ads, rapper T-Pain arrived at the VMAs on an elephant, reports show that Japanese elephants are good at math, and an elephant in China became hooked on heroin after eating heroin-laced bananas but is recovering from its addictions after a stint in rehab. That's the beauty of news...you can't make this stuff up! Coney Island's iconic Astroland is closing down for good. Microsoft's much-anticipated commercial response to Apple's funny ads went on air, and it wasn't all that funny. You can decide for yourself. If you didn't know who Bill Gates was or why this commercial was made, you would barely know the product they're promoting! You can decide for yourself.

I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! Roger Federer is getting closer to becoming the best tennis player ever and Britney's back!!! All is right with the world!

Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.

~t

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