Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.
Putting the Pop in Pop Star:
Some of our favorite pop stars have been keeping busy this week. Ms. Britney Spears is slowly but surely making a comeback. She seems to have her craziness under some kind of control. She will be guest starring on the show “How I Met Your Mother” (don’t worry if you’ve never heard of the show…I don’t know a single person who watches it either). Brit will be playing a dorky receptionist who falls for one of the characters. If you want to catch it the episode will air Monday, March 24th. Not only is she gracing the small screen, but she debuted her new video. Wondering how she could be doing all this work while seemingly doing nothing?!? Well her video is fully animated. She doesn’t show face for a single second. Her record label finally wised up and realized they could get more and better work from a fake Britney than the real one. Here’s the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edhpwSMqc2I. She also just had a lunch meeting with Mel Gibson. Honestly…how many crazy jokes just popped into your head?!? Madonna is gearing up for the release of her new album so get ready to see a whole lot of Queen M. She was just inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Her new single “4 Minutes to Save the World” with Justin Timberlake is about to hit airwaves and be in a Sunsilk commercial.
Here’s a look at her new album cover: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20184307,00.html. But it’s not all about the pop stars themselves. They like to give back as well. Jessica Simpson and The Pussycat Dolls are in Kuwait as part of “Operation MySpace” to perform for the troops. They’ll be performing some songs, but more importantly they’ll be upping the morale of the troops by parading around the base in as little clothing as possible! Diddy is sick of all the DUIs his celebrity pals have been receiving lately so he’s launching a car service for them. I wonder if he’ll personally be chauffeuring them around? And have no fear…Michael Jackson is not losing Neverland Ranch. Through some miracle of God and a ton of borrowed money the ranch is no longer going up for auction. Now if only MJ could save his career…
Love Potion #9:
In case you live under a rock or honestly get all your news from T-Time you may not be up to date about NY’s finest…soon-to-be ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer. Mr. Spitzer, Client 9 as the FBI affidavit describes him, decided that a wife, 3 young daughters and a promising political career wasn’t fulfilling enough so he went and hired a “high-class hooker” or escort (if you so prefer). But he didn’t just hire her once…oh no…he’s used the service at least 8 times in the past couple of months. And this stuff doesn’t come cheap either…Spitzer/#9 spent $4,300 for 2 ½ hours of service! What makes this situation even more ironic is that Spitzer’s platform was all about anti-corporate crime and PROSTITUTION! Well the Spitz got caught, publicly apologized and resigned from being governor. He joins a long line of horny politicians: http://weblogs.amny.com/entertainment/urbanite/blog/2008/03/eliot_spitzer_joins_the_faces.html. The escort, Kristen a.k.a Ashley Alexandra Dupre, is an aspiring singer and is finally getting her 15 minutes of fame. Her MySpace profile and pictures are plastered all over the Internet. She claims she came from a bad family situation and was just trying to make it on her own. I’m sure the interview/book/record deals that she’s about to sign will make her forget all about her past problems. Lieutenant governor David Paterson will be sworn in on Monday. Not only is he NY’s first black governor, but he’s also legally blind. You can’t make this stuff up…only in NY!
The Race That Keeps On Giving:
Fresh off her wins in Texas and Ohio Hillary Clinton began talking about a possible Clinton/Obama running card. Well Barack Obama is nobody’s #2 and made sure to remind the people that despite her recent wins he’s still in 1st place for the Democratic nomination. Obama and John McCain won the Mississippi primaries for the respective parties. And if that wasn’t a blow below the belt to Clinton, one of the Democratic superdelegates who would have voted for her, had to go and purchase an insanely expensive escort. But Obama’s “Golden Boy” luster is beginning to tarnish. Videos of his pastor’s sermons have leaked online and some of what he says is quite disturbing. Rev. Jeremiah Wright is a pastor of the church that Obama has belonged to for over 20 years. You may want to dismiss this as a random connection, but this is the same pastor who married the Obama’s, baptized their daughters, and was the inspiration for the title of Obama’s 2nd book “The Audacity of Hope” so there is obviously a close connection. Here is a link to videos on YouTube showing some of the sermons: http://youtube.com/results?search_query=rev.+jeremiah+wright&search_type=. Obama is not the only one trying to distance himself from former acquaintances. Clinton has been spending more time apologizing for people supporting/promoting her (like her hubby and former campaign committee member Geraldine Ferraro) than explaining her platform. No one said running for president was going to be fun or easy :p
News Potpourri:
I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday, March 16th. The father is superhot, model Gabriel Aubry. Their baby may rival the genetic god that is Shiloh Jolie Pitt. The Vatican, in an attempt to acknowledge that it’s the 21st century, submitted a new list of “sins” including: drugs, pollution, genetic manipulations and social and economic injustices. Tennis greats Pete Sampras and Roger Federer played an exhibition match in Madison Square Garden. Federer proved that he’s the new King of men’s tennis and beat the former champ. A recent study has determined that at least 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. I can’t seem to understand how this is possible…with role models like Lindsay and Paris I expected at least 3 in 4 girls. Speaking of loose girls and disease “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis is finally out of jail and free man (for now). He served 11 months for tax evasion charges (charges he’s still facing) and is now dealing with charges for taping underage girls. A warning to parents: lock up your daughters if they even breathe the words “spring break”! Your wallet is about to get a wardrobe update with the arrival of the new $5 bill: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_five-dollar_bill. Don’t go spending them all in one place! Actor/comedian Billy Crystal lived out every boy’s fantasy and became an official member of the NY Yankees. Donning a number 60 jersey (he’s turning 60 this year), Crystal trained with the team and even played a game. Calling all children of the ‘90s!!! There may be a “90210” spin-off show on the CW Network!!! If we all pray hard enough it may come true!
I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! Only 1 in 4 girls has an STD and “Beverly Hills 90210” may come back to life! All is right with the world!
Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.
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