T-Time Weekly News Update for the Week of March 17th-23rd 2008

Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.

Getting International On Your @ss:

Shockingly news happens outside of the U.S. as well. Violent protests have been breaking out in Katmandu, Nepal. Tibetan monks, refugees and supporters are protesting China’s oppression and killing of Tibetans. The Chinese government is even blaming the peaceful Dalai Lama for instigating the protests. Things are getting so tense that the Dalai Lama is threatening to quit. The summer Olympics are being held in Beijing, and the normally controlling Chinese government does not like all the noise and raucous! The potentially ‘most-expensive divorce in Britain’s history’ finally came to an end. Heather Mills did not dent Paul McCartney’s wallet too badly…only about $50M. Just a friendly reminder: this week commemorates the 5th anniversary of the Iraq War.

Politics NY Style:

So the Spitzer debacle spilled over to another week. Shamed governor Eliot Spitzer resigned, and Lieutenant Governor David Paterson took over. But instead of dealing with secrets spilling out during his term, he and his wife decided it would be best to put everything out in the open. So he gets sworn in and then admits that he and the Mrs. both had affairs during their marriage. Nothing beats celebrating becoming governor like admitting to your scandalous past. Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis, fresh out of jail, jumped on the Spitzer bandwagon and offered $1 million to the now infamous call girl ‘Kristen’. Well funny thing happened on the way to become a high-priced prostitute and it was discovered that when Kristen still went by as “Ashley” she already flashed her goodies and even did some girl-on-girl action for the company when she was 18. I see this as a double win…Francis save $1M and Ashley skips doing any extra work! NJ, sick of being in NY’s shadow, resparked its own governor scandal when news broke that ex-NJ governor James McGreevey who left his post after it was discovered he was having an affair with a male staffer may have also had a threesome with his wife and a male-driver, Teddy Pederson. Dina McGreevey is denying the accusations, but both McGreevey and Pederson claim it happened several times. Whatever happened to sleeping with the one you married and doing the job your were elected by the people to do?!?

Do We Still Not Know Who’s Running?:

Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama continue to fight for their party’s nomination. Obama has been dealing with the mess from his pastor Reverend Wright. He gave a speech on race and other topics. If you’d like to hear it here it is: http://youtube.com/watch?v=pWe7wTVbLUU&feature=bz301. Clinton got support from Elton John who said he was performing a special concert just for her. Since he’s already clinched the GOP presidential nomination, John McCain is spending his time traveling to the Middle East (including a trip to Iraq and Israel) actually fulfilling his job as a Senator. Vice President Dick Cheney has also been doing his rounds visiting both countries.

News Potpourri:

I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! Golf phenom Tiger Woods won his 64th career victory which ties him for 3rd place in all-time wins, and he’s far from retiring so be prepared for a record when he’s finally done. Speaking of sports…March Madness is upon us. If you need some cheering up just go to your neighborhood sports bar and check out all the drunken fools cheering for their alma maters. The ‘90210’ spin-off show is not a definite yet, but here’s a breakdown for the characters: http://defamer.com/369878/meet-the-mills-analyzing-the-90210-spinoff-breakdowns. An American icon is celebrating its 10th birthday. Next time you come across it say “Happy Birthday Viagra!” Not only is Brangelina gracing the world with another perfect child, but they may actually be expecting twins…double the genetic jackpot! The financial world was hit a devastating blow when JP Morgan had to bail out financial investment bank Bear Stearns to save it from going out of business. Bear Stearns’ stocks at one time cost $160 per share, but JP Morgan bought them for only $2. TV shows are finally coming back after the ugly writer’s strike…get your DVR’s ready. CNN’s Anderson Cooper admitted to having skin cancer. No worries though…the silver fox had the bad patch removed and is a-ok. In the crazy Spears world Ms. Britney was ordered to pay K-Fed’s lawyers’ fees, and the restraining order against her svengali-like ex-manager was extended for another 30 days. Here’s your video for the week: http://perezhilton.com/2008-03-24-you-must-5.


I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! Your favorite TV shows are slowly coming back and being governor seems a lot more exciting these days. All is right with the world!

Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.

~t

You can also check this out on my official blog at http://ttimeupdate.blogspot.com/.

T-Time Weekly News Update for the Week of March 10th-16th 2008

Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.

Putting the Pop in Pop Star:

Some of our favorite pop stars have been keeping busy this week. Ms. Britney Spears is slowly but surely making a comeback. She seems to have her craziness under some kind of control. She will be guest starring on the show “How I Met Your Mother” (don’t worry if you’ve never heard of the show…I don’t know a single person who watches it either). Brit will be playing a dorky receptionist who falls for one of the characters. If you want to catch it the episode will air Monday, March 24th. Not only is she gracing the small screen, but she debuted her new video. Wondering how she could be doing all this work while seemingly doing nothing?!? Well her video is fully animated. She doesn’t show face for a single second. Her record label finally wised up and realized they could get more and better work from a fake Britney than the real one. Here’s the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edhpwSMqc2I. She also just had a lunch meeting with Mel Gibson. Honestly…how many crazy jokes just popped into your head?!? Madonna is gearing up for the release of her new album so get ready to see a whole lot of Queen M. She was just inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Her new single “4 Minutes to Save the World” with Justin Timberlake is about to hit airwaves and be in a Sunsilk commercial.
Here’s a look at her new album cover: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20184307,00.html. But it’s not all about the pop stars themselves. They like to give back as well. Jessica Simpson and The Pussycat Dolls are in Kuwait as part of “Operation MySpace” to perform for the troops. They’ll be performing some songs, but more importantly they’ll be upping the morale of the troops by parading around the base in as little clothing as possible! Diddy is sick of all the DUIs his celebrity pals have been receiving lately so he’s launching a car service for them. I wonder if he’ll personally be chauffeuring them around? And have no fear…Michael Jackson is not losing Neverland Ranch. Through some miracle of God and a ton of borrowed money the ranch is no longer going up for auction. Now if only MJ could save his career…

Love Potion #9:

In case you live under a rock or honestly get all your news from T-Time you may not be up to date about NY’s finest…soon-to-be ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer. Mr. Spitzer, Client 9 as the FBI affidavit describes him, decided that a wife, 3 young daughters and a promising political career wasn’t fulfilling enough so he went and hired a “high-class hooker” or escort (if you so prefer). But he didn’t just hire her once…oh no…he’s used the service at least 8 times in the past couple of months. And this stuff doesn’t come cheap either…Spitzer/#9 spent $4,300 for 2 ½ hours of service! What makes this situation even more ironic is that Spitzer’s platform was all about anti-corporate crime and PROSTITUTION! Well the Spitz got caught, publicly apologized and resigned from being governor. He joins a long line of horny politicians: http://weblogs.amny.com/entertainment/urbanite/blog/2008/03/eliot_spitzer_joins_the_faces.html. The escort, Kristen a.k.a Ashley Alexandra Dupre, is an aspiring singer and is finally getting her 15 minutes of fame. Her MySpace profile and pictures are plastered all over the Internet. She claims she came from a bad family situation and was just trying to make it on her own. I’m sure the interview/book/record deals that she’s about to sign will make her forget all about her past problems. Lieutenant governor David Paterson will be sworn in on Monday. Not only is he NY’s first black governor, but he’s also legally blind. You can’t make this stuff up…only in NY!

The Race That Keeps On Giving:

Fresh off her wins in Texas and Ohio Hillary Clinton began talking about a possible Clinton/Obama running card. Well Barack Obama is nobody’s #2 and made sure to remind the people that despite her recent wins he’s still in 1st place for the Democratic nomination. Obama and John McCain won the Mississippi primaries for the respective parties. And if that wasn’t a blow below the belt to Clinton, one of the Democratic superdelegates who would have voted for her, had to go and purchase an insanely expensive escort. But Obama’s “Golden Boy” luster is beginning to tarnish. Videos of his pastor’s sermons have leaked online and some of what he says is quite disturbing. Rev. Jeremiah Wright is a pastor of the church that Obama has belonged to for over 20 years. You may want to dismiss this as a random connection, but this is the same pastor who married the Obama’s, baptized their daughters, and was the inspiration for the title of Obama’s 2nd book “The Audacity of Hope” so there is obviously a close connection. Here is a link to videos on YouTube showing some of the sermons: http://youtube.com/results?search_query=rev.+jeremiah+wright&search_type=. Obama is not the only one trying to distance himself from former acquaintances. Clinton has been spending more time apologizing for people supporting/promoting her (like her hubby and former campaign committee member Geraldine Ferraro) than explaining her platform. No one said running for president was going to be fun or easy :p

News Potpourri:

I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday, March 16th. The father is superhot, model Gabriel Aubry. Their baby may rival the genetic god that is Shiloh Jolie Pitt. The Vatican, in an attempt to acknowledge that it’s the 21st century, submitted a new list of “sins” including: drugs, pollution, genetic manipulations and social and economic injustices. Tennis greats Pete Sampras and Roger Federer played an exhibition match in Madison Square Garden. Federer proved that he’s the new King of men’s tennis and beat the former champ. A recent study has determined that at least 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. I can’t seem to understand how this is possible…with role models like Lindsay and Paris I expected at least 3 in 4 girls. Speaking of loose girls and disease “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis is finally out of jail and free man (for now). He served 11 months for tax evasion charges (charges he’s still facing) and is now dealing with charges for taping underage girls. A warning to parents: lock up your daughters if they even breathe the words “spring break”! Your wallet is about to get a wardrobe update with the arrival of the new $5 bill: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_five-dollar_bill. Don’t go spending them all in one place! Actor/comedian Billy Crystal lived out every boy’s fantasy and became an official member of the NY Yankees. Donning a number 60 jersey (he’s turning 60 this year), Crystal trained with the team and even played a game. Calling all children of the ‘90s!!! There may be a “90210” spin-off show on the CW Network!!! If we all pray hard enough it may come true!


I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! Only 1 in 4 girls has an STD and “Beverly Hills 90210” may come back to life! All is right with the world!

Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.

~t

You can also check this out on my official blog at http://ttimeupdate.blogspot.com/.

T-Time Weekly News Update for the Week of March 3rd-9th 2008

Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.

The ‘O’ Effect:

What can’t Oprah do? Talk show…#1, book club picks…#1, magazine…#1. The Big O premiered her latest television venture with “The Big Give” an apprentice-like show based on doing good. And guess what…it came in first place in its time slot! But now she’s taken it too far. She’s spreading her do-gooding ways onto the youth of Hollywood. Instead of getting drunk and ending up in jail, young celebrities are trying to make the world a better place. Scarlett Johansson is auctioning off a date with her to raise money for Oxfam (an organization devoted to fighting poverty and injustice across the globe). The date will include the chance to accompany her to the premiere of her next movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" in Los Angeles in June, and Minnie Driver is auctioning off a $100,000 lunch date for Oxfam as well. Drew Barrymore just donated $1 million of her own money to the UN World Food Programme to feed starving children in Africa. Reese Witherspoon has taken a side job as Avon’s Global Ambassador and was at the UN headquarters promoting the “Women’s Empowerment Bracelet” as a way to raise money to prevent and reduce violence against women worldwide. Next thing you know Paris Hilton will actually act on her post-jail words and give back to the global community…or maybe not :p

Campaign Roller Coaster:

March 4th did not disappoint and was just as exciting as the rest of the presidential campaign. Hillary Clinton proved yet again that the Clintons are like Twinkies and cockroaches…not even a nuclear bomb could take them out! After showing her more human side on SNL and the Daily Show Clinton swept Ohio, Rhode Island and Texas insuring her spot in the Democratic presidential race. Barack Obama won Vermont, but was definitely a little shell-shocked. He’s beginning to lose his golden-boy luster with the media. John McCain swept the Republican primaries. Mike Huckabee finally dropped out of the race making McCain the presumptive nominee. I will give Huckabee credit for sticking to his guns though. Technically Ron Paul is still in the race…but I emphasize technically cause he has an insignificant percentage of the delegates. Now it’s up to McCain to pick a vice president, and it looks like Florida Governor Charlie Crist, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, Utah Governor Jon Huntsman Jr. and even Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice have all been rumored as potential running mates.

It’s not all Rainbows and Smiley Faces:

Being a celebrity isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. They have bad days just like us mere mortals, but their bad days are so much more dramatic and interesting to read about! Will Ferrell went on a huge promotional tour for his new movie “Semi-Pro”. He put on his super short track shorts, teased out the fro and sharpened his b-ball skills, but all his hard work didn’t pay off. The movie didn’t do nearly as well as expected. If an incarcerated husband, recurring drug and alcohol problem and several impending trials weren’t bad enough Amy Winehouse has just been diagnosed with impetigo (a bacterial skin infection characterized by blisters that may itch). Patrick Swayze, the reason every girl went to summer camp and took up pottery, has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer is one of the most fatal forms of the disease and the survival rates are very low. Thoughts and prayers. In the ultimate sense of irony, “Smile” singer Lilly Allen is being treated for depression. After a miscarriage and failed relationship Allen seems to be having trouble taking her own advice.

News Potpourri:

I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! Matt Damon and his super lucky (she was a cocktail waitress in Miami when she met Damon) wife Luciana announced that they are expecting their 2nd child together. NYC’s Times Square is blowing up. No really…somebody through a bomb at a military recruiting center in the heart of the square. Luckily no one was hurt. Police are reviewing all the surveillance tapes and are hoping to find the culprit. The Village Voice’s Michael Musto decided to do his own take on Lindsay Lohan’s Marilyn Monroe pictorial. Check it out…I think Musto’s got one up on Ms. Lohan:
http://www.villagevoice.com/gallery/0810,0810marilynmusto,350230,30.html. In case you didn’t get enough of Lohan in the nude, her family is coming out with a reality show for E! Entertainment Television. The show, “Living Lohan” will follow the Lohan matriarch, Dina, as she helps Lindsay’s younger siblings Ali and Cody become “stars”. Maybe now we’ll be able to see why Lindsay is such a mess. Wisconsin’s biggest cheesehead, Green Bay Packer’s star quarterback Brett Favre, announced that he is retiring from football. Favre has every imaginable quarterback record and will definitely be missed in the sport. Janet Jackson proved that she’s still got it. Her new album, “Discipline”, debuted at #1. Not to be outdone Madonna is being inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Jamie Spears, Britney’s dad, was just given an extension on his conservatorship over his daughter until July 31st. Last Sunday Russia held a truly democratic and honest election, NOT!, and the new president is Dmitry Medvedev. Former President Vladimir Putin has been grooming Medvedev for the position and made sure the people “voted” for him. Anna Nicole is back in the news. Anna’s daughter Dannielynn is officially her sole heir and may one day receive the money that Anna fought so hard to get from her deceased geriatric husband, and the Anna Nicole biopic is coming to theatres near you. Here’s the trailer (it’s as trashy as she was): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEon9IGYabM.


I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! The Lohans are coming to a TV near you and Oprah is continuing her world domination. All is right with the world!

Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.

~t

You can also check this out on my official blog at http://ttimeupdate.blogspot.com/.

T-Time Weekly News Update for the Week of February 25th–March 2nd 2008

Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.

High and Low Notes:

This section is devoted to any and all who have brought music to the masses. The King of Pop, Mr. Michael Jackson, has not been having a great week, and that’s a lot to say considering his past issues. The 25th anniversary re-release of “Thriller” tanked. No one seems to care anymore. And his Neverland ranch is up on auction because he never made his payments on it. If you have little boys lock your doors…Jacko may be looking for a place to stay! Madonna’s new album will soon be released and the title is “Hard Candy”. The title may symbolize how’s she’s strong on the outside and sweet on the inside, but I bet she’s pretty hard all around! Let’s see if Queen M’s still got it! As I promised last week, once I got my hands on the Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck video I would share it would my loyal readers. So here’s the gem: http://perezhilton.com/2008-02-25-hes-fucking-ben-affleck. Personally I think the Silverman/Damon video was more original, but this new video is way big-time and quite impressive! JLo and Marc Anthony have released their twin babies’ names…Max and Emme. I was expecting a little more Latin flare personally.

P to the R to the E to the S:

In preparation for the 2nd most exciting Tuesday in the presidential race things stayed just as exciting as they have been. Tuesday, March 4th Ohio, Texas, Rhode Island and Vermont are holding their primaries. This could make or break Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Just to spice things up Ralph Nader decided that neither Clinton nor Barack Obama had any chance to win, despite many a popular vote, and has entered the race. Personally I think that’s a cop out…skip all the debates and the primaries and caucuses and expect the respect…I don’t think so. Then again this is his 5th run for the office so maybe he’s just tired. If he does make it though he will be the oldest candidate in the race, beating McCain by 2 years. Mike Bloomberg officially said he would not be running. There goes my dream ticket of Bloomberg and Schwarzenegger. The set of Saturday Night Live has been the place to be lately. Obviously if you want to prove that you can run the U.S. going on a comedy sketch show is the way to go. Mike Huckabee was on last week and poked fun at his inability to realize he needs to drop out of the GOP race, and Clinton, still grabbing for any chance to prove she’s personable, went on and confronted her SNL body double (Amy Poehler). And in case SNL doesn’t round up the troops for Clinton she’s always got her buddy Jack Nicholson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mOa3sXjqE4. Maybe instead of fake characters they could make a video with real people saying those things…just a thought. John McCain got past the NY Times scandal but is now dealing with questions regarding the eligibility of his birthplace (the Panama Canal). And Clinton and Obama keep going at…one minute their cordial and the next they’re enemies. Let’s see what happens Tuesday…we may know who the final race will be between!!!

Serious Relationships:

Nothing is more stable and serious than Hollywood relationships. This past week some new couples have emerged while others are in the process of ending. The surprise couple of the week is model and tsunami survivor Petra Nemcova and actor Sean Penn. Penn is in the midst of divorcing his wife and I guess is looking for emotional support. What better place than in the arms of a swimsuit model?!? Pop singing sensations Rihanna and Chris Brown have begun secretly dating. It must be serious if they refuse to be photographed together. Maybe Drew Barrymore and “the Mac guy” Justin Long need to take a clue from them and stop spreading their love all over the place. Has no one learned from Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey? Pamela Anderson is going through with her divorce from “winner” Rick Solomon. But instead of a divorce she’s asking for an annulment. I guess even Pammie doesn’t want to be known as the woman with 3 divorces. After a bitter rift in their friendship Paris Hilton decided the best way to make up is to start dating Nicole Richie’s baby daddy’s brother Benji Madden. How did 2 tattooed, punk singing, anti-establishment boys end up with Hollywood socialites?

News Potpourri:

I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s younger pregnant sister, passed her GED. Now instead of being a pop star with nothing serious to fall back on she’ll be a teenage mom with a degree she won’t have time to use! I will give her credit though…at least she’s trying. Britney has been lying low...seeing her kids, taking meds and teaching dance class. Prince Harry, England’s 3rd in line to the throne, has secretly been serving in Afghanistan. He’s publicly discussed wanting to be on the frontlines but was considered to be a major target and a danger to his fellow troops. So he went unbeknownst to the world, due to a media embargo, on December 11th. Unfortunately the newspapers didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore, and he’s been forced to return. Starbucks closed most of its locations this past Tuesday for 3 hours to reteach their baristas how to make the perfect coffee and provide better service. And guess what…nothing has changed! In a truly historic moment the NY Philharmonic traveled to North Korea to perform for the people. Communist North Korea is insanely private and no one really knows what goes on there. And although some reporters were allowed to travel with the musicians there were strict rules about what could be taped and reported back to the U.S. so there’s not much new information other than it’s a poor, communist nation under the rule of a crazy dictator. An extended trailer for the “Sex And They City” movie has leaked. Check it out here: http://jezebel.com/359633/extended-sex-and-the-city-trailer-carrie-gets-jilted-lol. Paris Hilton is getting a new reality show. Seriously. She’s looking for a new best friend now that Nicole’s a momma and Britney fell of the deep end. She’s hoping to find some one real and not Hollywood…a.k.a. someone to make her feel even better about herself. Although glaciers are melting and the O-Zone is disappearing this was the coldest winter on Earth since 1966. Somewhere Al Gore is crying, without showing any emotion, and blowing his nose into a recycled tissue. And if adopting from every country wasn’t enough Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have decided that every natural born child will be born somewhere outside the U.S. as well. Rumor has it that they bought a place in Southern France, in honor of Jolie’s French mom, and plan to welcome their next child there.


I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! You now have a 5th presidential candidate to potentially vote for and Paris may finally find the friend she’s always been longing for. All is right with the world!

Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.

~t

You can also check this out on my official blog at http://ttimeupdate.blogspot.com/.