Do you work all day and have no time or energy to find out what's going on in the world? Do you get bored and impatient watching TV anchors tell you over and over what's going on? Do you sometimes care more about what Britney Spears is doing than what President Bush said during his State of the Union address? If you answered yes to even one of these questions this is what you've been waiting for! Every week I'm going to give you a quick rundown of the past week's biggest headlines. I won't bore you with minute details and shove tons of information down your throats. These are just the facts with a little humor for measure! And if you want to know more you can always just Google it or ask me.
Pop With Extra Fizz:
Rumors of Ashlee Simpson being pregnant hit fever pitch when reliable People Magazine reported she was expecting. In addition her father/manager has apparently been shopping around photo rights to her wedding and baby pics…but I still refuse to believe anything till I see a bump! Victoria, Posh Spice, Beckham got called out by the owner of Kitson boutique for not promoting her jeans line. But that didn’t dampen her spirit cause she still celebrated her b-day, which she shares with T-Time’s momma, in true super star style. Madonna continues to prove that she owns the world. She reportedly has signed on to perform 2 concerts in Dubai for the wholesale price of $25 million! Honestly…why even ask for that kind of money? She doesn’t even need it! Her new single ‘4 Minutes to Save the World’ is topping charts all over the world; it’s #1 in over 14 countries. I bet most people couldn’t even name 14 countries! “Recovering” addicts Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse have both, on separate occasions, been caught falling/collapsing/flying off the wagon. Lohan was caught drinking tons of vodka and Red Bull while Winehouse was photographed smoking a joint. It’s great to see how successful rehab stints truly are. Ms. Britney Spears has been making the headlines again lately. She was finally ordered to pay $375,000 to cover her ex-hubby’s legal fees. On a brighter it looks like she’ll be guest-starring on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ again, and her scary former svengali-manager, Sam Lutfi, is still out of the picture. While her whole family has been focused on her recover, little pregnant teenage sis Jamie Lynn has been home alone in Louisiana dealing with impending motherhood, her new engagement, and house hunting. I’m glad to see the Spears clan has its priorities straight.
April 22nd…A Political Conspiracy?:
With the Pennsylvania primaries only a day away (Tuesday the 22nd-same as Earth Day…coincidence?!? Most likely :P) Democratic hopefuls Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have really gone at each other’s throats. PA TV’s have been inundated with attack-ads from both sides. Now if the Dems could just get along life could be like this: http://wonkette.com/375036/obamahillary-spoof-of-popular-song-involving-matt. The McCain campaign hit a little bump in the road as well. An intern posted “McCain Family Recipes” online only to be caught plagiarizing word-for-word Rachel Ray recipes! Seriously…where’s quality control when you need it? I guess First Lady Laura Bush is trying out potential jobs for when she’s no longer in the White House because she’s co-hosting the Today show on, you guessed it, April 22nd! Cindy McCain must think her husband has the presidency in the bag cause she’s also been practicing for a 2nd career after the White House…she co-hosted The View on the 21st.
News Potpourri:
I'll leave you with some quick news tidbits that couldn't fit either here or there so they're getting their own paragraph! On a mournful note this week marked the 1-year anniversary of the tragic Virginia Tech shooting. Thoughts and prayers go out to all those involved. The Pope came and conquered the U.S. this past week. His 81st birthday was the 2nd day of his trip so like any party animal he celebrated by meeting with the leader of the free world, driving around in a pimp, scratch that, pope-mobile, hosting mass at both Washington Nationals and Yankee Stadium, and giving some speeches. Man that Pope is out of control! Harry Potter’ author J.K. Rowling is suing mad. She has always been supportive of fans, but when they start cutting into her profit she gets “evil wizard” on ‘em! Rowling is suing a fan who is planning on publishing a ‘Harry Potter Lexicon’…a.k.a. a Harry Potter encyclopedia which Rowling herself plans to publish as well. France’s government adopted a bill making it illegal to “promote thinness” as a way save young girls from potential eating disorders. Want to make a 20-something year old feel old? Tell them that MTV’s ‘The Real World’ has just debuted its 20th season! Nothing too new or exciting…6 beautiful, culturally different young people live together, get drunk, make out, and fight…that’s the real world baby! One step forward for women: Danica Patrick was the first woman to win an IndyCar race by coming in first in the Indy Japan 300 this past weekend. One step backward for women: a Yale student may have self-induced several abortions over a 9-month period all in the name of “art” (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351608,00.html). Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning capped off his stellar year by getting hitched to his college sweetheart in Mexico. Bill Cosby, your favorite Huxtable, is coming out with a rap album as a companion to his 2007 best-selling book. Sandra Bullock and her hubby were in a head-on car accident with a drunk-driver but no one was hurt. Lesson: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE! Here’s your deep thought of the week: "I'd love to see a Stones show, but it's something I can never do, you know?" – Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards to Blender magazine.
I hope this gives you an idea of what's going on in the world. Buck up…it's not so bad! Earth Day is here and Passover is upon us! So grab some matzo ball soup and try to find a way to be more Earth-friendly this week!
Now go and have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your neighbor about what you've just learned.
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